I love Sarah Silverman so much. On this week’s episode of “I Love You America” she talks about her friend Louis C.K., who has now admitted to using his power to masturbate in front of women without their consent. She asks: “Can you love someone who did bad things?” I find this question both beautiful and heartbreaking. It is so wonderfully human and connected. It doesn’t just apply to this situation, or even just to actions. To put the question a little more broadly: “Can you still love someone who has done something or believes something that feels horribly offensive to you?”
I initially wrote something about this. I wrote pretty quickly – it just kind of poured out of me the way that all of my posts do. Then I remembered that I started a blog and I’m supposed to post these things here instead of elsewhere, so I had to wait to post it. I’m so glad I waited.
I liked what I wrote, I agreed with it, but something didn’t feel quite right. I kept reading it over and over again. Had I considered all perspectives? Was I missing something? Was there a better phrase or a better word? I know, I’ll tighten up this language!
Something still felt off. I continued to read. I really liked it. I had a lot to say and I said it well. I even injected lighthearted moments into a tough topic. So what was it? What was different about this one? Again, I decided to just pause on the post.
As I lay down to sleep last night it came to me. The problem isn’t what I have to say, the problem is that I am talking at all. Maybe I am supposed to be listening. I have so many thoughts on this question, but it isn’t always helpful to share your thoughts, not when someone is trying to work through their own grief and loss, and not when they haven’t asked for your thoughts. Sometimes people need to be heard, and need to sift through all the noise so they can hear their own thoughts. Sometimes listening is the best thing you can do.
So this is me, not posting my thoughts on her amazing question. Here is the most helpful thing I can say: I’m here, I hear you, and I’m with you.