I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a challenging week. At one point I found myself in my office so frustrated and angry that my temperature shot up and I became itchy. Hello emotions, I hear you! You don’t need to come knocking on my body! Oh, I don’t have a choice? Fine, I guess I’ll just stand here and rip off my sweater. Don’t worry, I dress in layers. Cut to a non-paid but still shameless plug for the Stop, Breathe, and Think App… or as I like to call it “Ooh, Lawd Help Me… Zzzz.” I’m telling you, it works.
But after the moment had passed and I had found my center, returned to calm, and all that other healthy stuff that you see on inspirational posters with pictures of very flexible people with physical abilities way beyond my creaky knees, I needed to find a way to maintain it. So I started to blog… you guys, I deleted that draft. It was NOT helpful. It was basically a mixture of “those bastards,” “are they mean or just stupid?” And “I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN!” No. Not good. Super not helpful. Also not the greatest place for me to go… and not the greatest part of me. I can say to myself “I am okay, I am advocating for the underdog,” and there is truth to that. But at the same time, in order to be present for someone else I must first know what is present within me, and check my issues at the door. And so I needed to stop and reflect. Dammit.
This brought me to gratitude. In order to release my anger and be present for the other people in the situation, I needed to get in touch with the other side of my experiences – I needed to examine my connection to the issue. I landed at gratitude, not for the injustices I had witnessed, but for the privileges I have received. My calm returned, this time for longer, and as I went back into the arena, I was able to drop the anger, drop the frustration and open the door to empathy and communication. I’m still working for change, there is a lot to do, but my pack felt a bit lighter without anger and frustration weighing me down. They say that Gratitude is a muscle – the more you exercise it the stronger it gets. But unlike Muscle it weighs a lot less than Anger, which means it is more like Fat. Who knew? So maybe it’s both? Like Santa Claus, who is fluffy but hauls heavy toys all over the world one night a year. So this is me, looking to get both Fat and Muscley on Gratitude. What’s that Fuscley? Yeah. I’m gonna get all Fuscley!