Okay, I’ve had some rest and I feel a lot better. Somewhere in between episodes of Murphy Brown and two nights of really good sleep I remembered what a previous supervisor told me. It went something like: “you are forgetting: what feels small to you feels big to them.” I do forget that when I am tired or frustrated or sad. Check that – I don’t forget that completely. I don’t forget that the small, maybe even unintentional harm on my part can feel huge to someone else. But I forget that it works the other way too. The smallest word or act of kindness can feel huge to someone – maybe even save a life.
I read an article recently where someone was sharing their story about being a kid with a parent who always put them down. One day some random person witnessed it and quietly leaned in and whispered “it’s not you, it’s her” – that was it. The author said that that moment saved them. From then on out it helped them put their experiences in perspective. They were a little kid when someone whispered that to them. They had just figured that they deserved the yelling… until someone suggested otherwise. The suggestion didn’t stop the yelling, but it did open the door to possibilities.
So I sit here thinking about how Small I am and how Big the world is, and I am thinking maybe Small isn’t so bad. Small is connected; Small is grounded; Small is able to be carried with you, come tragedy or triumph. Small is flexible, resilient, and versatile. Small is streamlined and focused. Small doesn’t worry about unnecessary bullshit – Small doesn’t have time or space for that. Small sticks to the essentials – the things that truly matter in life.
So yeah, the world is Big and I am Small. I think I like it that way. I will keep trying to expand my life and my knowledge and seek to grow in ways that are healthy and productive. I will expand my horizons and perspectives, but always staying aware of the fact that I don’t know what I don’t know – and the Universe is vast, there is a lot I don’t know. And that is the cool part – there is always new stuff to explore! If Einstein, Hawking, DaVinci, Sophocles, Aristotle, and so many others died still curious, then you better believe I won’t have it all figured out or with any real sense of control. I’m happy with Small — and I guess I will just try to do as much good as I can while I’m here.